Hurt
by mercuryadept92
Summary: Sam hurt Dean so much at the asylum, but Dean doesn't want to talk about it. Sam tries to talk about it so he can apologize, and both encounter new found feelings for each other. Slash and Incest. SamDean Wincest
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer : I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters. They were created by someone who works for the CW an if I did own them, the show wouldn't be half as good.

A/N: This is the first fanfiction I have ever written. I hope to make my writing better so any critism would be highly appreciated.

Sam looked at Dean out of the corner of his eye. He hadn't said a word since they had left the asylum. Sam kept going through what happened in his mind. He could never think of hurting Dean. Dean was the only thing that made growing up bearable. Dad would never just say good job. Their dad would always criticize, but Dean would always tell him good job after their dad had left.

'_If the pistol had been loaded Dean would be dead'_

Sam shivered at the thought. Finally he couldn't take the silence. He needed to talk about what happened.

"Dean?"

Dean's eyes never left the road, but he answered, "What?"

"I want to talk about what happened at the asylum."

Dean didn't answer. He just kept looking at the road.

"Dean I…"

"No"

Sam blinked surprised at Dean's answer, "What?"

"No. You said you wanted to talk. I said no. There's nothing to talk about"

"But Dean I…"

"Sam, right now I am not in the mood to talk, so just let me fucking drive before I crash into something on the side of the road."

Dean's words silenced Sam midsentence. He turned his head to the side of the road. The urge to apologize was eating him up inside. He just had to talk to him, but he knew he wouldn't get anywhere now.

'_I'll just wait until we get to the motel. Then we'll talk_'

After 15 minutes of more silent driving, Sam felt the car slow down as Dean entered the motels parking lot. Both got out of the car in silence. They entered the motel. It was no different than any of the other motels they had entered. Dark, as if trying to hide something like rats or a bug problem. Sam watched as Dean chatted up the clerk. She was young and was quite sexy. Only about 19 or 20 she was dressed in a mini skirt and a spaghetti strap shirt with some impressive cleavage. He felt a twinge of something he couldn't recognize. He always felt odd when Dean hit on women in bars and taverns. However he pushed it aside to listen to the conversation. He was eager to talk to Dean and apologize.

"So, are you sure you don't have any room's with separate beds. I really want to get a good night's sleep."

The girl pretended to think for a moment. "Sorry, sugar, we only got rooms with single beds left."

"Well, if I have no choice, I'll take it."

"Sugar, would you like to spend the night in my room? I'm sure your brother would be fine in his own room."

Dean looked at Sam, "No, I better keep an eye on him. I promised our dad I would. Maybe some other time"

The girl pouted, "Well, what can you do? Here, let me take you to your rooms."

Dean and Sam followed her to a room in the back.

"You boys get settled. And Dean, if you need anything, my room's across the hall. Have a good night."

Dean laughed, "Thanks, I'll keep that in mind"

The girl gave Dean the once over before leaving the room. Dean kept the smile on until she left. As soon as she left Sam felt the energy drain from Dean as he slumped onto the bed. Sam turned to Dean, but before he could say anything Dean beat him to it.

"I'll take the first shower. I'll make sure to leave some hot water."

"Dean I…"

"Check out the web for anything."

Sam frowned. He had forgotten how Dean's habit of talking as if he hadn't heard Sam got under his skin. He stared at the door long after Dean had entered. Sam then shook his head and began to think.

'_What am I going to say? I have to apologize, but how? I have to talk to him no matter what. He's going to pretend like nothing's happened. Even if he pisses me off I'll talk to him.'_

With that idea firmly on his mind, Sam sat on the bed and grabbed his computer. He sat down on his bed and began to look on the internet for anything that seemed out of the ordinary. He had just started looking when Dean came out. Sam looked at Dean as he walked out. He wore a towel which hung low on his waist. Sam turned to his computer and kept looking. He decided to let Dean get dressed before talking to him. Sam waited until Dean had put on a t-shirt and jeans before opening his mouth.

"Dean I want to…"

"Did you find anything on the internet?"

"What? Oh, um no but…"

"Well keep searching. Something's bound to come up."

Sam gritted his teeth to bite back his annoyance and tried again

"Listen Dean I…"

"I'm gonna go to the bar we passed on the way. I'm sure I can pool hustle for some money. Otherwise we won't eat tomorrow."

That statement was what broke Sam. He just couldn't take it anymore. How could Dean act as if nothing had happened?

"Damn it Dean would you just listen!! Jesus Christ."

Dean's face changed from a happy appearance to a more clouded neutral appearance.

"I already told you. There's nothing to talk about."

"What do you mean there's nothing to talk about!? What about the asylum?"

"Sam, I'm warning you, just drop it. Let it go."

Sam couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Why don't you want to talk? Damn it Dean, we can't just leave it like this."

"Sam! God Damn it! Why can't you just fucking leave it alone?! I already told you I don't want to talk about it. Why can't you just fucking drop it?!"

"Because we need to talk about these things. Why won't y talk about it?"

"Forget this shit. I'll be back. I'm going to the bar, or do you want to talk about that too?"

Before Sam could respond Dean had grabbed his jacket and left.

'_Damn it_', thought Sam, '_Why couldn't I just control myself? I just had to stay calm and I blew that. If he thinks this is over, he's sorely mistaken. I can wait all night if I have to.'_

Having made up his mind, Sam got on his computer and surfed the web for stories while he waited for Dean.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer : I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters. They were created by someone who works for the CW an if I did own them, the show wouldn't be half as good.

Sam had been dozing for about 10 minutes when Dean walked in. Sam blinked his eyes open and smiled when he saw Dean. Then he noticed Dean was limping and he frowned.

"Dean, what happened?"

"Nothing. It's fine. I managed to keep the money"

"What do you mean 'it's fine'? You're hurt. Let me help you."

Dean rolled his eyes at Sam's concerned tone of voice. "Sam, I told you its fine. I just got a little roughed up. Besides, what does it matter to you if I got hurt?"

Sam flinched at those words, but he recovered quickly and asked, "Is this about the Asylum? Dean, please listen to me. We need to talk about what happened."

"We," Dean said, with great emphasis on the word, "don't need to talk about anything so don't start. I went to get some money. I hustled at the bar we passed on the way here. I bought a few drinks and hit on a few girls."

Sam felt the same odd feeling he got when Dean hit on the clerk, but he ignored it to listen to what Dean was saying.

"I just played a few rounds and won some money. The bastards weren't happy about losing their money, so they came after me in the parking lot and demanded their money. I refused to return it so they got violent. They roughed me up a little, but I managed to keep the money and drive them off so it's fine.

"And," Dean added noticing the fact that Sam was opening his mouth, "If you bring up the need to talk one more time I'm gonna kick your ass, so just let it go and go to sleep."

Sam closed his mouth and frowned as he watched Dean got ready for bed.

'_Should I just keep asking? No, he'll probably just blow up again. I'll just wait until morning. Just you wait Dean_.'

Sam got off of the bed with his laptop and seated himself in an armchair. He heard Dean get into the bed and then suddenly the noise stopped. He looked up to see Dean watching him

"Aren't you going to sleep Sam?"

"No, I'm going to check the internet a little longer. You go ahead and rest."

Dean offered no response as he settled himself to sleep.

Sam watched Dean for another minute before he turned his attention back to the computer. Knowing that he and Dean had not talked would be enough to prevent him from sleeping, so he decided to spend his time productively. Sam began searching for anything out of the ordinary. He was so engrossed in his work he didn't notice as the hours flew by. He had found nothing out of the ordinary however, so after much searching he finally closed his computer. Sam ran a hand down his face and stood up with his laptop in his hands. He stretched a little and then he put his laptop away. Sam got himself ready for bed, stripping down to his underwear. Sam looked at the clock. It was 4:30 in the morning. Sam groaned slightly.

'_4;30. Crap. I'm not going to get much sleep, am I?_'

He didn't want to wake up Dean so he got into the bed slowly. Once he was there he looked at Dean. Dean hadn't stirred, so he thought he was in the clear. Sam shifted a little to get comfortable. Once he had stopped moving he began to close his eyes, but then he heard Dean groan something.

"Sam…"

Sam's eyes opened up immediately, all thought of sleep gone. "Dean?"

"I want to tell you some…something"

Sam's eyebrows joined together in confusion. Dean had refused to speak to him earlier. Why was he talking now? Sam stayed silent for a moment before it hit him.

'He's talking in his sleep! What should I do? I know he won't talk to me if I confront him again, but I know how mad he'll be if I take advantage of this. What should I do? Screw it. If he's going to be pissed at me anyway I might as well get something out of it'

"What do you want to tell me Dean?"

"Sam, I'm sorry…"

Sam frowned at those words, "Dean, why are you sorry?"

"You hate me. I'm sorry I can't be a person you can love"

Sam's eyes widened in shock and forced himself not to gasp.

'_That's why he won't talk to me? He thinks I hate him? How… when did he get that idea in his head? Why would he think I hate him?_'

Suddenly realization hit Sam and he felt tears sting his eyes. Sam blinked several times to stop them from falling.

'_This is because of the asylum? He thinks I hate him? Oh my god. The things I told him. I tried to kill him. Of course he thinks I hate him. I have to fix this. Tomorrow. I'll talk to him tomorrow no matter what._'

Sam wanted to talk right there and then, but watching Dean sleep so peacefully was enough to stop him. It was almost 6 am already. Sam watched Dean's chest rise and fall every now and then as he slept. Sam smiled as he watched Dean. He looked so peaceful like this; completely different than when he was awake. He seemed much younger and innocent. Sam raised his hand to lightly touch Dean's face. In the light from the rising sun, to Sam anyway, Dean looked…pretty.

Sam blinked and pulled his hand back when he heard himself think that.

'_Pretty? Where did that come from? Well, he does look kind of cute in this light. Christ, what the hell am I thinking? Well whatever, I'll deal with that later. Today I should focus on fixing what happened at the asylum. I can deal with everything else later._'

But even as Sam thought that and got ready to sleep what little he could the same words kept coming back to him.

'_Pretty. Cute_.'

Sam fell asleep with a smile on his face.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer : I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters. They were created by someone who works for the CW an if I did own them, the show wouldn't be half as good.

Sam woke up with a groan. The lack of sleep had given him a pounding headache. He slowly opened his eyes and squinted at the amount of light. The sun shone through the window. He sat up and called out.

"Dean?"

When there was no response he opened his eyes in panic and looked around. Dean wasn't in the room. Sam tried to remain calm and tried again.

"Dean, are you here?"

Again there was no response. Worried, Sam got up and looked in the restroom. Dean wasn't there. Sam tried to calm himself down when he realized Dean wasn't in the motel room.

'_It's ok. He probably just went to go get some food or some coffee. I'm sure he'll be back in a few minutes_'

After taking a moment to calm himself down, Sam looked at the clock. It was 10:32 am. He groaned and thought, '_I only slept five hours. My head's going to be killing me all day._'

Sam decided to get dressed and fix the bed. He put on a plain white t-shirt and a pair of blue jeans which was the last of his clean clothing. Afterwards Sam moved toward the bed to fix it. While Sam was fixing the bed his thought turned to Dean

'_I have to talk to him today. I wonder should I confront him about what I heard while he was sleep talking. If I don't I won't be able to solve anything, but if I confront him then he might be too upset to talk to me. In any case I have to talk to him today. I'm going to fix my screw up today, no matter what_'

As soon as Sam was done fixing the bed he heard the door knob moving. He waited for a moment and then Dean walked in. Dean was wearing his usual clothing. He had some food and coffee in one hand and a bag in the other. Dean smiled when he saw Sam, but Sam could tell it was fake.

"Hey Sam. It's about time you woke up. I woke up about two hours ago. While you were sleeping like a lazy ass, I did the laundry and got us something to eat. I also got us some coffee. Black for me and that girly crème de something crap you like so much."

Sam looked at Dean curiously as he sat down to eat some of the food Dean had brought. He got out a breakfast sandwich and grabbed his coffee. He took a sip while he was trying to figure out what was wrong with Dean. Why was Dean so happy this morning? Then Sam realized what Dean was doing. He was trying to distract Sam from talking about what happened.

'_It won't be that easy Dean_.' Sam thought as he watched Dean eat.

Suddenly Dean stopped eating and asked, "Why the hell are you staring at me?"

"Dean," Sam began, "I want to talk"

Sam watched as the energy drained from Dean and his face changed. Instead of his cocky expression, Dean's face had changed to one of neutrality.

"I told you Sam, and this is the last time I'm going to tell you, I don't want to talk because there is nothing to talk about."

"No, Dean, we need to talk now."

"Why? Jesus Christ Sam! Why the hell do you need to talk so badly?"

Dean stood up and began heading to the door, but Sam got up quickly and beat him to it.

"Dean, you're not leaving. Please just… look just give me a minute."

Dean turned around and took a few steps before pounding on the wall with his fist. The sudden movement made Sam jump. Dean started pacing as he began to talk.

"Sam, what the hell? Why can't you just let this go? What's so hard…"

"You were talking in your sleep last night."

When Sam realized what he had blurted out he thought to himself '_Damnit! Well, not the most subtle beginning, but at least I have somewhere to start from._'

Dean froze when he heard Sam say that. He turned slowly to Sam and muttered something Sam couldn't hear.

"What?" Sam asked

"I said 'what did I say?'"

"You, umm…well"

Dean couldn't take the suspense and yelled, "Just spit it out Sam!!"

"You said you were sorry"

Dean turned around so his back was facing Sam and asked, "Did I say why?"

Sam wanted to see Dean's face, but he simply stood there because he knew that Dean wouldn't respond well.

"You said you thought I hated you"

Dean bowed his head a little, with his back still to his brother and said, "Well?"

Sam blinked when he heard Dean's voice. It sounded like broken glass. Sam opened his mouth and said, "Well, what?"

Dean turned around. Sam was surprised to see tears running down Dean's face. He had never seen Dean cry, and it hurt so much knowing it was his fault. He didn't know how to comfort him.

Dean took a moment before answering. His voice came out raw and shattered, "Well, don't you hate me?"

Without waiting for an answer Dean turned and sat on the bed. Sam watched as Dean hugged his knees to his chest and put his forehead on his knees.

Sam sat on the bed. He called out, "Dean?"

When Dean looked up, Sam wanted to cry too, but he forced himself not to. What he saw in Dean's eyes hurt. He saw pain and hurt, but no anger. For some reason the part that hurt the most was that Dean didn't blame him.

Sam spoke softly in an effort to calm Dean. He wanted to comfort him, but he knew that if he tried Dean would pull away, so this was the best he could do for the moment, "Dean, please listen to me. I could never hate you."

Dean laughed wryly, which surprised Sam. Why would Dean laugh?

"You could never hate me? What kind of crap is that? Did you already forget everything you did at the asylum? The things you said? Shooting me with the rock salt? The handgun? And you're telling me you don't hate me? Do you know why I gave you that fucking handgun? It was so you would come back to your senses. You want to know what I was thinking. I thought 'Sam won't shoot me. Everything he's saying is just that fucking doctor. If I can just get to him we can kill the doctor and everything he said was just bullshit.' Then you pulled the trigger and I realized you meant everything you said. Do you know how much that hurt? Knowing that you hate me? Knowing that you wouldn't mind pulling the trigger?"

Dean's voice cracked and broke every few words, but both ignored it in order to focus on what was being said.

Sam was at a loss at what to say. Dean was finally talking but the things he was saying shocked Sam. He knew he had hurt Dean really bad, but he didn't know it was this bad.

"Dean, I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself. It's like I was there, but I couldn't control myself. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean anything I said."

Dean laughed again, "Sam, did you know Ellicott attacked me too? He tried to get me to go back and hurt you. Do you know what I did? I just got madder at him. He tried to get me to hurt you. I love you way too much to do anything to you. I couldn't even think of hurting you. The fucker tried, and after he did the only thing I wanted to do was kill him again for hurting you, for forcing me to hurt you and trying to force me to kill you."

Dean put his forehead on his knees again and let out a small sob. Sam couldn't help it anymore. He put his hand on Dean's shoulder. When Dean didn't pull away, he took it as a good sign. Sam pulled Dean into his chest and put his back against the headboard. Dean didn't resist and continued sobbing, clutching at Sam like a child.

Dean managed to choke out, "I'm sorry. I'm not someone you can love. That's why you tried to kill me. I'm sorry. Something's wrong with me."

Sam stiffened at those words and sad, "Dean, listen to me. I do love you. I'm sorry for what I did at the asylum, but you shouldn't be. There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all. This isn't your fault, it's mine. I'm so sorry I hurt you. You're the only thing keeping me sane Dean. Before I left to college it was the same. You were the only thing that kept me healthy, the only person I could trust. You still are. Dean, look at me."

Dean shook his head and continued sobbing. Sam grabbed Dean's chin and forced Dean to look him in the eye. Dean's eyes were bloodshot and tears still ran down his face, but he stopped sobbing to listen to Sam.

"Dean listen to me. There is nothing wrong with you. You are kind, strong, and smart."

Then Sam added in an attempt to get Dean to calm down, "You can be a smartass at times, but everyone's like that."

Dean cracked a smile which made Sam happy. It was the first genuine smile Sam had seen on Dean's face in a while.

Dean's tears began to dry as he said, "Thanks you ass. I feel a lot better now."

Sam and Dean both laughed before Dean got serious again, "Seriously Sam, thanks. I don't know why I was scared to talk but thanks."

Sam smiled and said, "No problem Dean. I was worried about you. Please, don't shut me out like that again."

Dean licked his lips and said, "I won't Sam, I promise."

When Dean licked his lips Sam's attention was drawn there. He looked at Dean's lips. For some reason they fascinated him. Full and cherry red, he watched as Dean licked his lips again. The same thoughts that ran through his head the night before came back full force.

'_He looks so pretty even after crying._'

Sam hadn't realized it but his body began moving without his realizing, bringing Dean closer. Without thinking, Sam pressed his lips against Dean's. Dean's eyes widened, but he didn't pull away. They stayed like that without deepening the kiss, just their lips pressed together. Sam and Dean both let out content moans. After what felt like an eternity, they pulled away. Sam was still dreamily happy when he realized what he had done.

'_What the hell is wrong with me' Sam thought 'I was just supposed to comfort him. How the hell did I end up kissing him? Oh god, what's he going to think?_'

Sam looked at Dean, afraid of what he would see. Instead of disgust, Sam was surprised to see fear and... lust? Dean stood up while Sam watched him.

"Sam, I'm so sorry. I don't know what got into me. Something has to be wrong. I'm so sorry. I just kissed my own brother. I am a freak"

Sam looked at Dean in surprise while Dean picked up his keys. '_Dean thinks he started the kiss?_' Sam then realized what Dean had said and yelled, "Dean wait!"

But Dean just shook his head as he ran out of the door while Sam watched helplessly from the bed.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer : I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters. They were created by someone who works for the CW an if I did own them, the show wouldn't be half as good.

Sam stared at the door after Dean left. He just sat there, as if his mind had shut off. He didn't move. He didn't even blink. Suddenly Sam's mind seemed to go into overdrive as the last few minutes replayed in his mind. He gasped when he realized what had happened. His mind began to race as he tried to sort through the thoughts going through his head.

'I…kissed him? I kissed Dean? Oh god I did. I kissed my brother. What the hell's wrong with me? I was just going to talk to him. How the hell did I go from talking to him to kissing him? I took advantage of his open vulnerability. How am I going to apologize now? I took advantage of his weakness. God, I feel like such an asshole. But that kiss, it felt… good. It felt right. Why did it feel so right? Why am I not freaked out about the fact that he's a guy or that he's my brother, but I'm afraid of what he's thinking? I don't like Dean, at least not like that. At least I don't… think so. Come on, I would have done something about it if I liked him. Right?'

Suddenly Sam had a flashback of when he was 17.

_Dean and his dad had just gotten home from hunting. They had been gone for about a week. Sam hadn't gone because he had exams to study for. All three of them were in Sam's room, but Dean didn't say a word while Sam and his Dad talked_

"_Sam," his dad said, "you can't keep avoiding the hunt. You have to learn how to defend yourself. All the training I gave you is pointless unless you use it in a real life situation."_

"_Sorry sir," Sam said, trying to bite back his sarcasm, "But I had exams. I can't keep up my grades if I keep going on every hunt."_

"_Sam, you know what we do is more important than school"_

"_Yes sir. I'm so sorry I wasn't able to go. Next time I'll make sure they can cancel the exams just so I can go." Sam said rolling his eyes, his voice dripping with sarcasm._

"_Don't take that tone with me Sam."_

"_Sorry sir. I'll try to go on the next hunt" Sam said to avoid another lecture._

"_Alright then, here," said his dad holding out a duffel bag. "Make sure to clean the guns. Dean's got some other stuff to do."_

"_Yes sir" Sam said taking the duffel bag from his father._

_John offered no response as he left the room._

"_Asshole" Sam muttered under his breath_

_Dean had stayed in the room with Sam._

"_Sam, you alright? Sorry about that. Dad's a little tense right now."_

_Sam looked at Dean_

"_Dean, you don't have a reason to be sorry. It isn't your fault he's like that. God he acts like hunting's the only thing that matters."_

"_C'mon Sam, you know he means well."_

"_He could still be less of an asshole about it though"_

"_Whatever. In any case, how were your tests?"_

"_They were alright. I had a little trouble with history, but I think I did alright"_

"_That's good to hear. Good job Sammy."_

"_See, that's exactly what I mean. And it's Sam."_

"_What is?"_

"_See Dean, you remembered to ask me about my tests, but all he does is tell me to focus on hunting."_

"_Sorry Sam, I gotta go do some work outside. I'll talk to you later, alright?"_

"_Yeah, I better get started on this too."_

_Sam watched Dean go, a bit disappointed they couldn't talk more._

_Sam began to work on the guns. One after another, he took them apart mindlessly. It was something that was second nature to Sam, considering how much he had done it. After working for about an hour he was almost done. The last gun was Dean's favorite, so Sam decided to take extra good care of it. He took the gun apart carefully and began to clean the parts. After he was done cleaning it, he decided to oil. After the oiling he began to put the gun back together. For some reason, as he was doing this, he decided to look out the window._

_It was a hot sunny day. On the lawn he saw Dean. Dean was wearing a plain white shirt and a pair of jeans. His shirt was damp with sweat and it clung to Dean's body. When Sam saw Dean mowing the lawn he laughed. The entire situation just seemed so normal. If he hadn't been holding a gun he would have thought this was a normal family. He continued to look down at the lawn. Sam watched as Dean continued to mow the lawn. Suddenly Dean stopped moving. Sam looked out curiously. Sam watched as Dean passed an arm over his forehead to wipe away sweat. Then, Sam watched as Dean dropped his hands to the hem of his shirt. Sam watched in awe as Dean removed the sweat soaked shirt slowly. Sam gasped when the shirt was removed to reveal Dean's toned, muscular body. Sam drank in the sight of his brother. Dean skin was stretched taunt over large strong muscles. Sam watched as Dean stretched, his muscles rippling as he moved, his tan skin glistening with sweat in the hot sun. Sam dropped the gun as he watched. Dean turned and Sam could see Dean's torso, the hint of a six pack and the broad muscular chest. Dean continued mowing the lawn, and Sam was startled by a loud clanging noise. Sam turned his attention back to the room to identify the noise. He had dropped Dean's gun. He quickly picked it up, and refused to look out the window. What he felt that day had shaken him to the core. Every time he had been near Dean after that all he could remember was Dean's body. All he could focus on was Dean. The very same week, Sam started looking up colleges far away from home._

Sam blinked in surprise at the memory that had just played in his head.

'I remember that day. I couldn't my eyes off Dean. All day, every time he got near me my mind kept going back to that. Every time I was close to him I could remember every muscle, glistening in the sun. I can't believe I forgot that. That's why I went to college. I had pushed it so far back into my head I had completely forgotten. I guess if you lie to yourself enough you start to believe it.'

Sam stood up and began to pace at this point.

'So what? I've always liked him? I've just been denying it? No, that can't be it. But that kiss, it felt right. Like fire or lightning. I felt so alive. Well, it doesn't matter now. Dean ran away. He probably thinks I'm a freak. How wouldn't he? I kissed my own brother. And when he was so vulnerable. He opened up to me and I took advantage of it. I'm such an asshole!'

"Damn it!!" Sam yelled as he punched the wall. Sam continued to punch the wall to vent his frustration for another minute before deciding it just wasn't worth it.

'What now? Dean doesn't feel the same way, does he? No, he couldn't. He's been with so many girls.'

Just thinking about it made Sam jealous.

'That's what I keep feeling when he's with girls? Jealousy? God I sound like such a girl.'

Sam smiled a little despite himself.

'Does Dean feel the same way? He did think he kissed me. But that could just be the vulnerability talking. Well in any case I have to go apologize. The bar was only about a mile away. I could probably get there pretty quick if I run.'

Having made up his mind Sam made his way out of the motel. On the way out, his mind went over everything what had happened between him and Dean.

'Yeah, this went exactly as I planned. Dean and I talked, we managed to work through it, and then I fucked everything up by kissing him. Perfect. So I have sick incestual feelings for my brother. Yeah, this day couldn't get any better. Actually it could. Dad could show up.'

Sam laughed at the thought of their dad appearing. He continued making his way out, passing the clerk on his way. He asked her for directions to the bar. After getting the directions, he made his to the door of the motel. His eyes widened as he saw Dean's Impala, just sitting there. He walked out into the parking lot, making his way to the Impala.

'Why did he take the keys if he didn't take the car?'

Sam walked a little closer, and he could see Dean in the same position he was in inside the motel room. Dean hugged his knees to his chest, his forehead rested on his knees. Dean's shoulders were shuddering. Sam watched this for a moment before figuring out what was going on.

'He's crying.' Sam thought.

Sam got closer and opened the door to the Impala. Dean jumped when Sam got in. Dean pressed himself as far from Sam as if expecting some kind of punishment. Sam's heart felt as if it was breaking when he saw how scared Dean was.

Dean's tears began to dry as he tried to explain what happened to Sam.

"Sam I'm sorry. I just, I fucked up. I… Damn it, I'm so sorry."

Sam smiled at his brother in a way he hoped was reassuring. He got closer to Dean so that he could comfort him. He put his hand on Dean's shoulder. Dean tensed up for a long moment before relaxing.

"Dean it's alright. You don't have to be sorry."

"No, it's not. I didn't mean to…"

Sam interrupted his brother, "Dean, its ok. I mean it."

Dean just shook his head. "It's not. You were trying to help and I just took advantage of that. I'm sorry. I'm such a freak."

"Dean, listen to me. You're not a freak."

"I just kissed you and you're telling me I'm not a freak?"

Tears began to stream down Dean's face again.

It hurt Sam to see those tears. He began to wipe them away as he tried to comfort Dean.

"Dean it's ok. I… I wanted that too."

Dean's eyes widened when he heard that.

"What do you mean, Sam?"

"I mean, that that kiss, it felt…right. I don't know how, and I don't know why, but it did. I didn't realize how much I wanted that until today."

Both brothers were silent when all of a sudden…

"Damn, we are fucked up. Two brothers with incestual feeling for each other. A double taboo. What do you think dad would say, Sammy?"

Sam looked at Dean like he was crazy. Dean had on his usual smirk. Sam smiled and began to laugh. Dean started to laugh too. They began to laugh in increasing volume and hysteria, until both were red in the face, crying from laughter, and breathless. The entire situation was just too surreal.

Sam spoke first, "You alright?"

Dean laughed slightly before answering, "Yeah, I'm fine Sammy. I feel a lot better now than I have in days."

"Good, because I want to try something"

"What would that be?"

Sam didn't say anything. He just got closer to Dean. Dean became serious as Sam got closer. Sam got nose to nose with Dean. Neither brother was breathing.

"This", Sam said.

Sam pressed his lips to Dean's for another electrifying kiss.


End file.
